Forewarning before you read any further, I'm going to bitch. And swear. Because I need to get this off my chest - not only for me, but because I'm sure there are more than a few who can relate to what I'm going to say, who know exactly how I feel.
My day started out pretty good today. I'd had a terrible Writer's Block issue for several days, and early this morning around 2am I was FINALLY able to break through it. By that time, I was getting tired, so I got a little bit written in my latest WIP, which will be the 4th book in my Tal'Avern Chronicles series (epic fantasy), before calling it a night, thinking to start fresh in the morning.
When I woke up, I was ready to go. I was excited to get back to work. Let me repeat that. I was excited to get back to work. And then my day was completely shot within a matter of minutes - by a single phone call.
It's hard enough trying to fight through the stigmatisms that Indie author often face. We've been referred to as '2nd' or '3rd rate' writers at times. Why? Because we choose to be Indie authors? Because we choose to have the freedom to write what we want, when we want, how we want, instead of conforming to traditional ways, instead of giving up that freedom (and our rights to our work) if we were to sign a contract?
I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I fucking hate those terms: 2nd and 3rd rate writers. They're degrading, insulting, and completely lacking in any human decency whatsoever. And they've been flung at Indie authors on more than one occasion.
My guess is it's because of our very nature - we write what we want, which offers readers more than what traditional publishers tell them they want. That's just my opinion. But as long as I'm bitching, I'll say that Indies have opened up new doors for readers, who now have a limitless range of works because of us. Personally, I think maybe the traditional publishers feel a bit like we've taken that power of God out of their hands and given it to the readers, where it belongs. The trads can't dictate what readers have available to them now by what they choose to publish, which has less to do with reader desires and more to do with what really matters to the trads: fucking money.
Now readers have been given that freedom of choice through Indies, something that wasn't possible before we came along, if you think about it. At least, from my point of view. That's how I see it. And while I digress from that phone call which fucked up my day, this needs to be said as well.
As Indie writers, we write for the sheer love of writing and because we want to entertain readers. Sure, we all dream of being able to make a career out of it. But realistically, we know that by choosing to be ourselves, to have that freedom to write whatever we want, whenever we want, and however we want, it may very likely chain us down and keep us from that dream.
It's not because we're 2nd and 3rd rate writers. It's that there are Indies who write a book just to check it off their Bucket List, who read it through once and hit that publish button because the excitement of being able to call themselves a published author overshadows the greater need to edit, edit again, and edit a third time... who think that their first draft was 'good enough.' No first draft is ever good enough. Even the greats will say so.
There are ones who toss together a cover they made using clip art that looks like a 6th grader created it, once again, with the words 'good enough!'
Those are the ones the trads point at and say 'Look! Poorly edited, weak looking cover, typos all over the place... this is what you get with Indies!' Picking out the bad apples and lumping every Indie in with them. It's like a constant smear campaign that we're fighting against.
But there are those of us out there who are never satisfied with our work - we're the Indies who have no Bucket List book. That's our debut book, and other books will follow. There's no 'one and done' with us. We're in it for the long haul. We edit our books three, four, five times, and each time we find something that could be written a little bit different, improve a scene a little bit more by adding a few lines here, taking a few sentences out there... until we reach a point where we grudgingly accept the fact that while we will never be satisfied, readers will enjoy the book we've written.
We pour our hearts and souls, our blood, sweat, and tears into every book. From the writing to the editing, to designing a cover (either done ourselves if we have that artistic ability as well or working with a designer if we don't) that we hope will help catch a reader's eye and arouse their curiosity about the book, and the promoting once it's published, the hours accumulate quickly.
Throughout those hours, which can reach into the thousands, we've sacrificed more than anyone will ever know for the single reason that we want to give readers our very best. For us, 'good enough' means 'sit your ass back down and go over it again!' That phrase does not exist for us, because with our readers foremost in our thoughts, there is no such thing as 'good enough.' There is only 'make it better.'
Certainly, we hope our books will receive rave reviews and rise high on the lists, which will get them noticed more, that's a given in this business. Everyone wants to see their books hit a #1 spot. Not everyone gets that coveted spot. That's the nature of the beast.
As Indies, we have to work harder, put in more hours, and sacrifice more because we're fighting against those stigmatisms which have been set upon us. We don't fight back against those childish name calling tactics by slinging mud, though. We're better than that. We fight back by doing what we do best: giving readers the best damn stories out there, many of which blow some of these traditionally published 'best sellers' right out of the fucking water.
And yet, despite all of our hard work and all of our efforts... despite all of the sacrifices we willingly impose on ourselves so that we can entertain readers, we're not machines. We're like everyone else, and we need support. We need our friends and relatives, our husbands and wives, our parents and our children to support us. We don't always get that support.
As a writer, I know damn well what kind of power words have. That's my forte, after all - writing in such a way that the story forms a picture in the minds of my readers and brings out their emotions. That's the power words have.
How many hours have I worked over the past three years between writing, editing, and promoting the 6 books I have out right now, and now working on writing the seventh? Around ten thousand hours, to be honest. Yeah, work that out on a calculator. 10 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, for 3 years. And I'm not even joking. Some of those days were longer. Some shorter. But on average, it's accurate.
This morning, I was ready to get back to writing, to keep the story going, to see what happened to the characters next. And then my cell phone rang.
In two minutes, that excitement was completely destroyed. That desire to see what happened next in the story... gone. My day started out looking great. In two minutes, it went to shit when I was told in a blunt, almost disgusted way: 'you need to be working.' As if I've been sitting around with my thumb up my ass for the last three years.
'Working' wasn't being referred to as working on my next book, or in reference to any of the previous six that I've had published. Those thousands of hours spent apparently don't constitute as 'working.' Those three, four, and five times editing each book because I'm so fucking critical of myself that I expect nothing but my very best for my readers doesn't constitute as 'working.' Because I'm not in a factory, or flipping burgers, or working at some other 'traditional' job, I'm not 'working.'
What pisses me off about this whole thing is that I have been working. I've been working my ass off. For me? No. For my readers. I don't give two shits that my job isn't 'traditional.' If I wasn't meant to be a writer, I would never have been given the gift to begin with.
Anyone who thinks that it's easy to just pop out a book has never tried to do it. I mean something more than a 5,000 word short story. I'm talking about an actual book, a novel: 50,000 words minimum qualifies as a novel. Believe me, it's not easy by any means. In fact, it's the hardest fucking job I've ever had. I write epic fantasy, which pushes that number up to 100,000 words minimum. And that's just the writing part of it. That's not even considering the editing, the cover design, the promoting. Tack on countless hours to those things too, and one begins to get a bit better picture that there's far more to being an Indie than just writing a book.
I'm not out there fast talking someone into buying a car that I know they can't afford, but that I'll talk them into buying anyway just so I can get the commission for the sale, knowing damn well they'll probably get it repo'd in six months because they can't make the payments.
I'm not sitting in Congress looking at the minimum wage, knowing that the cost of living has skyrocketed to the point that a person has to hold two full time jobs just to make ends meet, and instead of insisting the minimum wage be increased to help out the masses, voting to give myself a raise instead.
I'm sure as hell not working at a job that I swore an oath to do then turned around and refused to do when the law changed, claiming it went against my beliefs while not even allowing those under me to do their jobs... and getting paid for not doing my fucking job instead of being impeached out of it on the spot no less.
I'm working at a selfless job that is focused on others, not myself. It may not be bringing in 'the big bucks', but it's more satisfying than any other job I have ever had before because it's focused on others and not on me. I'm writing because I love to write and because I want to bring others enjoyment. There's nothing more satisfying than knowing my readers enjoy walking alongside the characters I've written about.
Ten thousand hours in three years. Ten thousand. But someone said I need to be working. Even without saying it, the message was clear: That's not a job. Even unspoken words have power. That power turned my day to shit in two minutes.
But you know what? I won't go down that easily. My day may have sunk down for a few hours, and I may have questioned, my resolve may have wavered... but writing this, getting this off my chest... I'm climbing back out of that fucking hole. I may have been knocked down into it, but I am far from out of this fight. I was given this gift of writing for a reason, and I'll be damned if I'm going to give it up. This gift has given both myself and my readers experiences that no factory job, no burger-flipping job, no car selling job... no other job period can give.
Readers and I have stood beside angels and old gods. We've fought both against and alongside Lucifer. We've become close friends with thieves, Shadow Walkers, mages, and elves. We've cheered for them, cried with them, felt fear alongside them. We've seen things and done things that can only be done within the pages of a book. I won't give that up, because if I do then I'll be disappointing my readers by not writing any more. That is a line I wont allow myself to cross. My readers are worth fighting for. I won't disappoint them.
I know the kind of power words can have. Spoken or written, they can have a profound impact. They can be positive or negative. They can lift us up and they can break our hearts. They can bring a smile, or bring tears to our eyes. They can make us laugh or make us weep. They can instill hope, fear, joy, and rage. Words have a power unlike any other.
A few words today claiming that what I do wasn't 'working' struck deep. It hurt. Words can bring pain too, and those stung like a thousand tiny knives piercing my heart. For a while, they made me feel like I hadn't done anything worthwhile in the last three years.
And then I went to my Amazon page. I looked at the reviews that I've gotten from some readers. One reader in particular, who had gone through the three books in the Chronicles and then moved on to the Exiled trilogy had posted reviews for each book. I read the first line of the latest review she had posted from the last book in the Exiled trilogy: 'I have become a big fan of Scott Borgman's writing.'
Words can lift us out from the darkest depths and give us the strength to carry on despite the opposition, too. Those ten thousand hours have not been wasted. I may not have millions of fans, but there are people out there who truly enjoy my books, and that's why I write. For other's enjoyment.
Five words brought me down earlier. Now, I have five words in response: I have work to do.
Scott's Amazon page: www.amazon.com/author/scottborgman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/scottborgman
Facebook: www.facebook.com/saborgman
