I've had a few different jobs over the years, from my first job working at a movie theater when I was 16, to working in Collections for a year before I went to college, to working in the grocery industry for about twenty years after college. Though each of those jobs differed, they all had something in common - there was always that one employee... You know, the one who seemed to be ungodly slow, or somehow found a way to screw up even the simplest of tasks that I would end up having to either correct or completely redo.
I'm sure we've all got at least one story of a co-worker (either past or present) who comes to mind at the idea that we could talk about. Of course, in those situations, something can be done about them with some means of disciplinary action.
At least with those other jobs, there was a small sense of satisfaction when the problem was dealt with. Either said worker was disciplined, their work improved, or in some cases, they quit or were fired. And then there's my current job - the last job I hope I'll ever have. The one that, unlike my previous jobs, means so much more to me than being 'just another job'.
It's not handing out tickets, or calling people over past due bills, or stocking shelves. It's writing stories with the sole purpose of delighting and entertaining others. The hours are long, and the work is hard... harder than I ever imagined it would be when I dreamed of being a writer when I was little... but I love it nonetheless.
However, the job came with a catch: another employee. One who couldn't be disciplined. Who couldn't be fired. Who couldn't be persuaded to quit. One who would just come in whenever he wanted to, stay for however long he felt like it, and whose only purpose during his shifts was to annoy, harass, and keep me from getting a thing done.
I knew about him, even when I was little. We've all heard of him. He goes by the name of Writer's Block, 'WB' for short... or some other nickname that authors refer to him as, usually proceeded by an F-bomb or some other colorful word.
WB's most prolific 'skill' is coming to work when we least expect him to. How he's able to sneak in undetected, authors have no idea. We just look up and see him standing there. This is typically followed by "Oh, shit..." or some other colorful phrase.
He's also varied in his skillsets, which allows him to be the most annoying co-worker possible. For some of us, he can completely block our creative flow. For others, he'll change that flow in ways that when we finish a chapter, a scene, or even a few paragraphs, it just doesn't work for us. It doesn't flow the way we want it to... it doesn't feel right. And while we struggle to fix it, he sits back and laughs as he marvels at himself for how well he does his duties.
He's frustrating. Annoying. Hell, he's an complete ass. But we're not entirely powerless against him. We have our own weapons to fight him with. After all, if you can't beat him... turn the tables and piss him off instead. Give him a taste of his own medicine, fellow authors!
The first and probably one of the most used tactics is to simply save your work, get up, and walk away. Perhaps pour yourself a drink. You could sit down and read a book, watch a movie, or my personal favorite - turn on a game and blow shit up for awhile. I prefer games with explosions in them, or FPS shooters, something where you can see your target and think "There he is... take that!" *Headshot against another player (if playing in a multiplayer game) or explosion following which brings a sense of morbid satisfaction*.
Then there's the Rocky tactic. *queue Eye of the Tiger music* Keep fighting, don't back down... eventually WB wears down and Rocky... er, you the author, will come out on top and knock out WB for the count. Granted, he'll come back for a rematch someday, but the immediate victory shall be yours. Wave your Championship belt in his face and go back to working on your next great novel.
Another tactic is the Evasive Maneuvers. If he's annoying a particular scene, leave it behind and move on to another scene - come back to it later. This one's easier for some than others. I can't use this particular tactic myself, since my writing style is specific: write from beginning to end, no deviations or detours. So personally, I'm left with the Rocky and the Blow Shit Up tactics, though I do like to mix it up and throw in the Read A Book and Watch A Movie variations just to keep him guessing.
So the next time WB clocks in for a shift, if you've been frustrated to no end with this part-timer who comes with the job and won't ever quit or get fired, remember: he may be an annoying ass, but that doesn't mean you have to sit down and take his abuse, hoping he'll get bored and leave quickly. WB doesn't usually work like that. He's a troll. Don't Feed the troll.
Blow Shit Up, Read A Book, Watch A Movie, Be Rocky, and use Evasive Maneuvers. He may be able to defend against some of them... but chances are, one or more of those tactics will work.
Write on, fellow authors!
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